Cravings and Conflicts

I listened to a sermon CD again this morning by C. J. Mahaney of Sovereign Grace Ministries. His title was "Cravings and Conflicts," and the text was James 4:1-2: "Where do wars and fights come from among you? Do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members? You lust and do not have. You murder and covet and cannot obtain. You fight and war." C. J. used these verses in the pre-marital counseling of his children, but they are relevant to all relationships because we live in a fallen world where conflicts are inevitable. These verses in James provide us with God's wisdom on how to resolve wars and fightings among us. I thought his following points were worth sharing:

First of all, relational conflict is worse than we think. Our tendency is to minimize conflict, e.g. "we have issues" or "we just aren't on the same page." It is important that we see the divine perspective on relational conflict, that it reveals the presence of sin in our hearts, not only against another person, but ultimately against God. Because of our pride, we often make premature and insincere apologies, so we can just move on. We don't take the time to really examine our heart attitudes with the help of the Holy Spirit, then properly confess our sinfulness before the Lord.

Secondly, quarrels and fights are simpler that we think. The source of our conflicts in within us, "do they not come from your desires for pleasure that war in your members?" Conflicts reveal certain sinful cravings, be it for affection, attention, comfort, vindication, power, lust, etc. James 4 teaches that cravings underlie all conflicts. When we don't get what we want, we fight. With divine examination, we are able to discern these sinful cravings, properly deal with them, and learn how to live in peace.

Finally, resolving relational conflict is easier than we think, if we are willing to humble ourselves before the Lord. Conflict is first and foremost a sin against God, but we can receive forgiveness if we confess that sin to Him (I John 1:9). Then we must also humble ourselves before others with confessions that are sincere, specific, and brief, and seek their forgiveness. C. J. rightly warned against lengthy confessions, because they indicate we are really making an appeal for understanding, excusing sin instead of seeking forgiveness. "Humble yourselves in the sight of God, and He will lift you up." (James 4:10) Amen.