Musings on Marriage

"Different, hard-won, better."  Marriage was described this way by a friend as she and her husband celebrated their sixth anniversary.  I like it.  I like it a lot.  Marital love is "different" than the love couples feel prior to becoming man and wife.  The "masks" worn throughout the courtship eventually come off, and we are exposed for who we really are.  Though we might not like all that we see, the promise to love remains.  By the grace of God, that exposure has the ability to make the marriage "better" over the years, as the Holy Spirit uses our relationship with our husband or wife to sanctify us and mold us into the image of Christ.  As we learn to extend grace, mercy, and forgiveness, the bond between a husband and wife strengthens and the intimacy deepens.  

But between the "different" and the "better" is the "hard-won." Marriage is work; rather, a good marriage is work.  There must be a constant vigilance against complacency.  It's all too easy to fall into a sense of self-centered security and fail to delight in the great gift we have in our spouse. It is not our spouse's responsibility to meet our felt-needs; it is our responsibility to be obedient to Christ by demonstrating sacrificial love and respect.  

There must also be vigilance to guard the commitment made to forsake all others, both physically and emotionally.  Our pastor recently said that he's seen many marriages ruined due to emotional adultery, in which cases the husbands/wives never actually reached the point of physical infidelity. Proper boundaries with the opposite sex were either non-existent or ignored. We should never underestimate the deceitfulness of our own hearts, what might be lurking in the dark crevices of our minds as we interact with other men and women.  Nor should we underestimate the power of the devil to tempt us in areas or times of weakness.

And finally, there must be vigilance to not compromise the biblical standards of living to which we are called as followers of Christ.  What we watch, read, and hear will affect the way we treat others, especially those closest to us. The Lord, our Maker and designer of marriage, gave us the Bible to lead us in the path of righteousness.  May we be vigilant to be in the Word and prayerfully seek the help of the Holy Spirit, so that we will experience God's best in our marriages.