More MIL Advice

Yesterday, I received an email from a friend offering her congratulations on my upcoming role as a MIL (mother-in-law) along with some wisdom she has gained through the years.  I got my friend's permission to edit and publish her comments on my blog.  I thought others might benefit from her wisdom too.  I especially like her emphasis on "in the scope of eternity."  That reminder would serve us well in all areas of life. 

"1. What Baillie thinks, feels, and says should be what matters to Tyler.  If it ever doesn't, your job is to box Tyler's ears and set him straight. It doesn't make any difference if you agree with her or not. In the scope of all eternity, does it really matter anyway?  Usually not.

2.  Family traditions (birthdays, holidays and the like) will NEVER be the same.  In the scope of all eternity, does it really matter anyway?  Usually not.  Your job is to get them started with their own family traditions.

3.  NEVER EVER offer advice unless it's asked for. NEVER EVER!!! If you are asked, the correct first response is "What does Baillie think?" 

4.  Let the in-laws have first choice.  This is difficult most of the time, and you WILL get the short end of the stick, but you guys won't be the ones placing those young kids in the middle of the situation. In the scope of all things, does it really matter anyway?  Usually not.

6.  Put a guard on your tongue.  It will be AMAZING what will hurt Baillie's feelings.  THINK before you speak.  ALWAYS!   In the scope of all eternity, this does matter.  Usually. 

7.  If you are notified about a spat between the two of them, the correct response is "I'm sorry. I will be praying you guys get this worked out soon." In the scope of all eternity, this does matter.  Usually.

8. Focus on the time, conversation, any consideration granted you, not on what you think you've missed out on. In the scope of all eternity, this does matter.  Usually.

 

It has been my contention for quite awhile now that the couple getting married is NOT who needs to be counseled.  Both sets of parents need to be counseled.  Seriously!!!!!  Some of my lessons have come from my own screw-ups.  A good deal of them have been observed and well. . . . let's just say lessons learned.
  

I'm beginning to realize I will have new lessons to learn as the grandchildren are getting older. Those children are NOT my children.  They do not belong to me, and I should not interfere even if I disagree with the parenting decisions. The same applies to our married children.  They WILL make mistakes and therefore suffer consequences.  It's all part of life.  It's hard not to say "IF ONLY . . . ."  But you have to keep as quiet as possible." 

And here's my contribution to the discussion:  I've told Tyler many times over the years that when he is married, and when we do something to offend his wife, he should come to us so forgiveness can be sought and the relationship restored.  That is so important!